a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
