It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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