You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
