dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
