At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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