He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
