Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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