I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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