Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
