Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
