Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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