It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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