we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
