I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
3 2 1 whiskey
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
