life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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