I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
