Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
