so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So. Much. Porn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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