i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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