I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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