im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
