My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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