i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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