Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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