Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
