im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
