Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
