a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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