He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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