Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
