Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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