Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
