Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
