I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
