I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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