We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
