i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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