Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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