Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
