You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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