I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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