He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
