i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
