i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
