I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
