Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
