We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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