I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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