I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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