Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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