to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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