Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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