I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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