That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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