dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
