i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
