Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
