I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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