why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
