WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
