I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
