Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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