OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
