He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im holly from the hills drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
