you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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