apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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