We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
