Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
