Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
