He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
