Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
