i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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