One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
