Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
