He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
