how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
