I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
